Friendship REboot

Tools: laptop or tablet, 10 minutes, gratitude list

It’s been 3 years since you have last seen them. You haven’t sent an email for follow up. You didn’t call to tell them you made it back safely from your short visit to NYC. You didn’t even post the selfie that you all took outside of that trendy restaurant in Brooklyn.

Better to let sleeping dogs lie. You can’t even tag her, she is not on Facebook, anyway.

This is the true story of a lapsed friendship. At one point you all talked so often you had code names for everyone in the office, special seats at each other’s cribs, and you knew which songs to add to the playlist to set off a quick dance party.

They were your favorite! And now not so much. Is it worth it to do a quick reboot? Is it worth the time and energy to send some form of communication to check in with a friend from Christmas past?

Here are 3 quick questions to help you know if you should make the effort for a friendship reboot…

  1. The Airport test: If you happened to be in the airport or other transit station and strolled past ye olde bestie… what would you do?
    1. Blink, smile and pretend that you saw a look-alike while walking briskly away
    2. Stop, drop and howl like you stumbled up the perfect present at BOGO sale
    3. Wave furiously, point at your non-existent watch to indicate that you have to catch your flight, and mouth an over-exaggerated: “I WILL CALL YOU!”
  2. The 3 Degrees of Separation test: If you mention this person’s name to a colleague in a shared industry, do they:
    1. Say: Yea, what ever happened to __________?
    2. Pull out their phone and tell you that they have her number right now for you
    3. Shrug and with raised brows, say: I hear she is doing well! She’s still in BK!
  3. The Life Event test: What if something major happens, a birth, death, marriage, divorce… would you want them to know? You:
    1. Write a sticky note reminding you to find their number. You find the sticky note 3 years later.
    2. Call every number you have stored for them, including the front desk of the last place you remember them working to see if you can share the news.
    3. Send out a “public” update on Facebook… they will “probably” see it… or nah

Well, you guessed it. If you are not answering “b” to these questions, the reboot is unnecessary. Don’t spend the time, money or resources to reconnect. Unless of course, you are trying to switch jobs and they happen to work as a hiring manager. In that case, do your thing!

However, if you find yourself with many middle answers, you need to reflect on why you were grateful to have friend like that in your life and consider what it means to keep them.

TAKE ACTIONUpdate your gratitude list. Add new names and add a word or two of thanks to the old names.

Show them you care and tag them on the big THANKS, FRIEND! post.

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