Good Morning, Heartache: How to Tell a Friend You are Worried

Tools: Phone, An hour, Seasonal beverage  

Hi Friend,

You won’t need an hour to read this, but you may need an hour or more to do what needs to be done. You are worried. You have sat idly by watching your friend and co-conspirator dig themselves into a deeper hole. You didn’t say anything when they started the behavior and now the days, the months, the years have gone by. You feel you can’t wait. What to do?

Start with you. Is this about your friend or your feelings about your friend?

Are you actually concerned for them or do you find yourself simply critical, judgmental, and unapologetically pushy about their lives?

Here are some flags to consider:

  1. Do you often say: I love you, but…?
  2. Do you roll your eyes or grit your teeth when they share an update?
  3. Do you rush to share their plight with others instead of telling them your concerns?

If you answered yes to more than one of the above flags, you are really worried about you in relationship with them rather than them in relationship with their progress.

Ask yourself why? What compelled you to be concerned in the first place? Is your friend in a harmful situation?

If they ever call on you for help, solace or resources, then you might have a legitimate concern.

It’s time to call your friend.

  1. Tell them you are worried.
  2. Tell them why.
  3. Listen for understanding.

You don’t have to fix it. You just have to be there.

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